Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
