$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
