Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
