you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
