puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I deserve this hangover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
