Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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