Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
