Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
