I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
