Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
