just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
