Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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