I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
