dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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