There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
