Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
