I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
