i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
