We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize