My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
