It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just cropdusted the office
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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