I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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