Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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