Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
