i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
