I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
where am i from again
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
