i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
