Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
