There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
