I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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