i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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