Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
