Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
