everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
