No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
