This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your cock deserves a montage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
