Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
