I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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