I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
