I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
