those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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