Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
