reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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