I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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