I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
