Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.

Fav 11 829 1383
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.

Fav 14 4636 955
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(770): View more from Georgia

just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight

Fav 38 4773 1743
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

Fav 9 4697 1483
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(330): View more from Ohio

Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.

Fav 16 5838 1307
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(410): View more from Maryland

Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....

Fav 13 1071 1969
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(443): View more from Maryland

There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

Fav 3 939 2025
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.

Fav 1 121 20
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(310): View more from California

Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)

Fav 0 126 17
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