She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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