I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
