That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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