Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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