Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
