Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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