At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
