Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
