my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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