I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
