You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
