He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
