It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
