I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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