I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
