easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
