So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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