guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
