He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
