He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
