Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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