When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
