Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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