theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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