When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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