oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
